Don’t be “That Guy” in the Pool Room
I’m going to introduce you to seven of my closest friends from the pool room. NOT! Every one of these guys is irritating in multiple ways and can make it hard to enjoy yourself while in the pool hall. Me, I try to stay away from them as much as I can, but it’s hard; there’s a little of one or more of these guys in most of us. I’m working on eliminating these behaviors from my own actions, since I really don’t want to be lumped in with these guys when people think about me. My guess is you’ll recognize every one of these characters, and that you probably feel the same way about them that I do. Hopefully, but probably not likely, some of them will read this, recognize themselves, and change. And I’m going to run 100 tomorrow.
Pig Pen: Remember the character from Peanuts who brought a dust cloud of dirt and filth trailing behind him wherever he went? Our version isn’t much different. When he puts talc on his hands he slathers it on, getting it all over the table. By the time the match is well under way the table looks like a snowstorm blew in, but only hit your table.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he’s always leaving the chalk sideways or upside down on the rail, dumping a small bit of chalk dust onto the rail after every shot. This blue dust quickly covers all the rails, just waiting for you to lean over so it can cling to your clean pants and shirt.
It seems these guys are always smokers who just can’t be away from their beloved cigs long enough to take even a single shot. While they’re leaning out over the table, cigarette hanging from their mouth, the ashes invariably fall onto the table. Of course they don’t even see them, or if they do they’ll just grind them into the cloth. Oink Oink.
Bumbling Bill: This guy just can’t seem to avoid doing or saying the wrong thing. When you’re shooting he never just walks over and takes his seat. Oh no. He stands around the table and watches you shoot. He’s usually careful not to get in your way, but never seems to notice how he’s so often in the way of the players on the adjacent tables.
And have you noticed how when these guys make a run to the bar or the bathroom they always take the shortest route for them, no matter how many shooters are in the way? Would it kill him to walk around just once? Apparently it would.
And of course they make a big point out of stopping so as not to distract you from your shot, but they always do so after they’ve gotten in your line of sight. Why can’t they notice you’re shooting before they become a distraction, but always notice after? And then they get huffy when you stop and ask them to go on. Wow.
Not only do Bumbling Bill’s feet take him to all the wrong places physically, metaphorically he’s putting them in his mouth at least a couple of time per match. Eager to compliment you on a good shot (a good intention at least) he invariably says so before the shot is over and ends up tasting toes when the cue ball keeps rolling, either into the hole or into a horrible position. Dying to compensate for his gaffe, he’ll compliment you on ordinary shots that don’t deserve any particular praise. You begin to wonder if he’s talking down to you or just thinks you suck, and he wonders why you have that weird look on your face.
Loudmouth Louie: Sadly, there seems to be a Loudmouth Louie everywhere there’s a couple of pool tables. He’s the guy who thinks his talking is the most important thing in the pool room, and that everything and everyone else comes in second, at best. You’ll meet him as an opponent who’s always wanting to talk to you, whether it’s your turn or his. He doesn’t interrupt your shot; he’s not sharking, it’s just that he wants to talk so much more than you do.
He might be talking about his life outside pool, his favorite team, the show he just watched last night on the tube or how stupid some politician is. He might even be talking about pool, like how he’s working on his stroke with this new technique, how what he learned yesterday is all wrong and needs to be replaced by what he learned this afternoon, etc. Or he might want to talk about your game, why you played a shot a certain way, why you picked that particular ball to shoot next, or why you took a one rail path instead of the two rail path.
When it’s his turn, and he misses, Loudmouth couldn’t just walk back to his chair if his life depended on it. After he shouts out some epithet loud enough to startle the guys two tables away, he’ll go on to explain why he missed. Could you care any less?
You also hear Louie when you’re not playing. He might be sitting near your table yammering on about whatever, but doing it loud enough that you find it difficult to concentrate. It’s especially bad when two Louies get together and chat about your game while you’re trying to play.
Most irritating of all is when during some conversation he’s having, and he forgets some frivolous detail that’s critical in his eyes to the story; he shouts out across the room to his friend Bill for the answer to the question.
Negligent Ned: Ned’s the guy who actually causes damage, but has no idea of the impact he has on the equipment. When he first gets to the table he dumps the balls out of the tray from about a foot above the table. He’s the one who, when the balls don’t rack perfectly, nails them into place by banging on them with another ball. And when he scratches, or fouls by knocking a ball off the table, he’s the one who slams the ball down so hard it sound like a break shot.
Of course, Negligent Ned is the first one to complain about all the imperfections in the table where the fabric has holes in it. It never seems to dawn on him that he is the very cause of most of this damage.
Be very careful of your stick when he passes by, for he seems to bump into them, knocking them into things or onto the floor about 10 times more often than everyone else. And I almost forgot, he’s the one swinging his stick around as if he were the only person in the room. If everyone wasn’t always looking out for him he’d probably hit someone with that stick every day.
Egotistical Eddie: It’s not that Egotistical Eddie knows more than you, or plays better than you do, it’s that he has to prove to you over and over that he does. He’s the one always volunteering to be your tutor when you didn’t ask for any such help. He doesn’t care that you’re working on a technique you just learned from your professional instructor, Eddie knows more, and won’t leave you alone until he’s proved it.
He’s the first one to butt into a discussion at another table to answer that disputed question about the rules. Did you ever notice that a person’s knowledge and his desire to share it with you are inversely proportional. The best players almost never say anything, and the guys doing all the talking are worse than more than half the people in the room.
And no matter what story you tell, he’s always got one just a little bit better to top you with. Guys like Egotistical Eddie, who think they know everything, should just shut up and leave it to those of us who really do. 
Lawyering Larry: This shyster is always using the rules to his advantage, not to make the game fair. It’s amazing to me how every call always goes his way. He’s most often found in organized leagues, doing his level best to make the game no fun for anyone. If Lawyering Larry were to commit a foul he’ll argue with you until you acquiesce, and if he thinks you’ve fouled you can’t shut him up until his team has ball in hand.
This week he’ll be telling you how you can’t shoot directly into two frozen balls, but next week, when it’s his ball frozen up, he’ll explain how it’s OK as long as you use a normal stroke. With Larry, it’s not about the game, it’s about winning at all costs.
Whining Willie: One of the most easily found losers is Whining Willie. Nothing is ever his fault, and it’s almost fun to just sit and listen to how many different excuses he can come up with to explain his many misses. If the guy put half the creativity into his game that he puts into his excuses, he’d be able to get out of every safe and find a clever way to solve every rack.
He doesn’t, of course, he’s too busy listing the seven times today that the table gods turned on him and blessed his opponent. Does he see it when he gets a gift at his opponent’s expense? Not on your life.
Some Whining Willies have flashes of objectivity, when it dawns on them just how unreasonable they’ve been. But instead of changing their attitude and realizing that luck balances out, they redouble the excuse making machine, and compare themselves favorably to those other Whining Willie’s who don’t realize how silly they’re being, compared to him, who really is suffering from outrageous bad luck.
We all know these guys, we see them every day. Don’t let them ruin a good day of pool. And be careful not to succumb to the temptation to exhibit some of these behaviors yourself. If you recognize any of these bad habits in your own behavior, you might want to work on eliminating them. You don’t want to be known as “That Guy”.
Tell us about the most annoying characters you’ve run into and how you handled them, or how you rid yourself of some bad habits that used to annoy others.
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2 Responses to “Don’t be “That Guy” in the Pool Room”
jim cook
- February 28th, 2010
Great article, but you forgot ANALYSING ALEX. ALEX is the guy who can’t stop annotating any match he happens to be sitting near, especially his opponents. On league night this guy will commentate every match his teammates play. His voice is usually just load enoungh so his teammates and his opponents can hear his unwanted advice. Good grief!
John Biddle
- March 1st, 2010
I’m working on another article about people you don’t want to be, and Analyzing Alex fits in perfectly. Expect to see this sometime in March.
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